Tuesday, March 30, 2010

TMI About Hair, and Bodybuilding

I hate body hair... on me. I don't mind it on other people and usually I don't even notice it- unless it is extreme. I don't think I spend an unusual amount of time taking care of this pet peeve of mine; the process has streamlined since I've been de-fuzzing my arms and legs since high school so it really takes no extra time at all anymore. One thing that I absolutely hate is having to shave under my arms. I don't know why, but I'd rather poke myself in the eye with a soapy finger than do this.

My sister got a job and she now works at a company who has a sister company attached to it that does laser hair removal. I'm seriously thinking about LHR for my pits. It's expensive, but I feel that it would be worth it. Spend the money all at once and one would probably end up saving in the long run on razors, shaving cream, etc. right? Right. So I guess I'm saving up for this.

What got me on this body hair topic? BF.

Sorry, BF, but this may be embarassing for you. Well, probably not since you flex in a man-kini, or as you call it a "posing suit".

BF, as you may know, is into Bodybuilding. Not the huge ugly puffy bodybuilding, but the hey-that-guy-looks-like-an-anatomy-figurine bodybuilding (meaning no steriods and strange habits here). That's sort of the point, you are supposed to show how defined your muscles are. He does things mostly the old fashioned way- eating cleanly and often, working out with a plan, cardio, etc. This also means that come competition time he has to be tan and hairless because how can you see the muscles if they are hidden under a blanket of hair? Not that BF has a blanket of hair. He's not crazy-hairy-gym-guy (more about him later).

Last week during spring break, BF got waxed from a nice lady at Sugar Laboratories. I want to pause here and reiterate that this is not something BF does on a regular or even semi regular basis; ONLY BEFORE COMPETITIONS. Anyway, so we hung out shortly after the waxing and he was so dang soft and smooth. I have to admit that I was a little jealous. I am supposed to be the soft and smooth one! Thus I started thinking about permanent solutions so that I will be the soft and smooth one all the time.

Ugh. So after thinking about it more, I basically want to get my WHOLE BODY done with the LHR.

Technology is a blessing and curse (on my finances).

Roller Derby, and Yes I May Be Crazy

** this post is full of links, so click away, my friends! **

I may have mentioned that BF and I have gone to Roller Derby a couple of times and absolutely love it. I may have also mentioned (or you may just know this about me) that I LOVE brutal sports. I'm not a huge fan of basketball or football, but give me sports where people regularly get in fist fights and break their faces and I'm all in.

Anyway, so in the course of watching roller derby and talking about roller derby, I decided that maybe I should participate. I'm not huge, so I don't have that going for me, but I am pretty agile, though I don't know about my agility on skates yet. I looked into it and guess what?! They have tryouts every 3-6 months for the Rose City Rollers.

I also found out that you have to go through their training course first, which is fine by me. I'd rather get knocked around in private first and know I can handle it before everyone in Portland sees it.

During my discussions with BF on RD, we figured I needed a pretty rad name so we started brainstorming. I came up with a few, and then I found out that there is a registry of Roller Derby Names so I had to check my creations against it to ensure I wasn't stealing someone else's Roller ID.

I would tell you the names I've picked, but I cannot. I know. I feel terrible because they are so awesome I cannot even hold all of the awesome inside, but I also don't want someone else stealing my name before I can register it. So... you know. Gotta protect. If it were up to BF my name would probably be Sass Mouth, because, according to him (and he's known to be correct about things) I have a mouth full of sass. But that's pretty well known and not very itimidating to a gang full of 6 foot, 250 pound roller derby queens. (No, not all RD teams are made up of the aforementioned; it's only 1 or 2 girls a team that fit that description and they scare the living heck out of me. Face your fears).

Also, there's this whole Roller Girl sub culture that. ROCKS. MY. FACE it's so W.T. Here's what I've learned so far:

1. Get some good skates. Duh.

2. Stock up on figure skating tights AND fishnet tights. Why? Because NO ONE looks good in fishnets, so you layer them over the skating tights. Also, if you get a rip, NBD. You're still covered.

3. You have to have a persona. You can't go out there as "Regular Heather". You have to pick your name and dress/act the part. That's part of the fun of roller derby.

4. Wrist guards and knee pads.


So the plan is to get some skates, figure out if I can actually skate, sign up for the training, kick some RD behind, and get on a team. And then I will reveal my RD Name.

Are you excited?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Yep... it was AWESOME.

I was correct. My weekend was SO. FREAKIN'. GREAT.



1. Road House: The Play was hilarious. It was so much better because we had watched the original movie beforehand. I don't think we would have gotten some of the jokes if we hadn't.



2. Corvallis- We worked out, I got a Downings shirt, we ate at Block 15 until I almost popped, and then had Gelato. Plus it was a gorgeous day.



3. Roller Derby- I'm buying my skates as soon as possible. Holy Crap. I've even picked my own Roller Derby name. I'll reveal all details in a separate post- because it deserves it.



4. Random- BF and I were lying in my bed watching TV because we were SO EXHAUSTED (we're old) we didn't really want to go out or do anything. Can I just say that when you are "cutting" (dieting) and restricting your carb intake one can get pretty stupid. I've been calling it "Carb Retarded". It's when the lack of carbohydrates in your body retards your cognitive and physical functioning. BF is currently C.R. from late afternoon until bedtime. It's hilarious. The conversations we have because of this are pretty entertaining.


I didn't get out to the Portland Market this weekend but there are more weekends to come for this, probably with better weather.

Anyway, on to a post ALL ABOUT ROLLER DERBY.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Gearing Up For...

... what could quite possibly be the most awesomest weekend yet.

Weekend Awesome #1:

Going to see Road House: the Play. Last month BF and I went to see the theatrical reading of the play, so it was sort of a dramatized reading of the play that they were going to eventually do. And it was hilarious. Well, now it's actually a full blown play so of course we HAVE to go see it. Plus our friend Meagan is in it. So... duh. In order to prepare for this wondrous event BF and I rented the original The Road House movie last night.


Weekend Awesome #2:

BF and I are going to Corvallis. Why? Why not, I say. But there are a few good reasons. First of all, BF wants to visit some friends. Second, because Downings Gym is there- it's BF's thing. Third, Block 15 is there and we are going to eat until we can't move. Also, they have a great little gelato place right down the way from Block 15 and I love me some gelato.


Weekend Awesome #3:

Roller. Derby.
That's right. We are headed to another exciting match (are they called matches? I don't know). This time it's the Breakneck Betties vs. the Guns N Rollers. I don't even need to say more about this. Oh wait, I do. This time my parents are coming as well. Double Awesome. I cannot wait to see my parents' reaction.


We'll see how it all turns out!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Random Catch Up Post


So sometimes I have pictures that I intend to post but then for one reason or another I do not. Also I think of things to post about but never get around to it. I feel like today is a good day for a catch up post about everything.


Did I ever show you these pictures from when BF and I went to the coast and camped out? I'm too lazy to remember if I did or not so here we go.










If you'll notice, and this was COMPLETELY unplanned, BF and I are wearing very similar outfits. What happened was that I picked him up, car loaded and ready to go, and I was in my khaki shorts and a t shirt and he was in his khaki shorts and a completely different shirt so we didn't even think about it until we got to the camp ground where it was 20 degrees cooler than it was back at home and had to put sweatshirts on. I turn around after putting mine one and we sort of look at eachother and laughed because what couples dress the same?



Since then we've decided that we have what we call "the Shinning"- like the "shining" but our version. Sometimes I feel all gross and my left shoulder hurts really bad and I'll talk to BF later in the day and he'll say, "Man, I feel gross and my left shoulder really hurts," and then we talk about how it's crazy that we both feel the same at times when we are nowhere near eachother.



I know, we're so weird.



Oh yeah, so two or three weeks ago or something (it was in the middle of all of my travels) I was home for a couple of days and one of those days was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS so I made BF go to the park with me. he did homework while I ate and read a book. BF ate as well, but I think that it's implied that he will be eating everywhere we go.





BF being a good student and doing his homework.





View from Washington Park.





And now the traveling pics (which I took very few of).




This is the view from the plane as I flew over Colorado. I miss Colorado a lot sometimes, but I think Portland is a pretty good substitute.












Monday, March 15, 2010

Weekend Atrocities

No pictures of ridiculous birthday weekend.

Why?

Because I woke up on Saturday morning feeling like death, with a fever.

Let me back up and tell you about Friday night first. Friday night, BF took me to the Manchester Orchestra concert. Before we even got to the concert I was in a terrible mood because of the Friday Afternoon Rush. Never heard of it? It's when everyone at work decides on Friday afternoon to run to me and ask me for things/to do things as they are running out the door to enjoy their weekend. I have a weekend coming up, too, people. Needless to say I was in a bit of a mood by the time BF came to pick me up. Then I sensed he was in a mood as well (from the lack of carbs and fat and food because he is cutting- I'll talk more about that later). So then we got all crabby with each other and I was a royal ass which sometimes happens when I need a nap/food.


Anyway, so I ate a snack and we listened to good music on the way to the show and things were going much better by the time we got to the Hawthorne Theater. And then the warm up band played and I was in SHOCK and AWE. They are a little band from Scotland by the name of Biffy Clyro ( I know, it's totally weird) and they opened the show by coming out all skinny and tatooed and shirtless and playing a crazy hard-core song (which isn't really what the rest of their music sounds like) and I just about peed my pants. It was hilarious. And I really enjoyed their set- because it wasn't anything like their first song.


Then I started to notice that the crowd was a little bit... not my crowd. What I mean is that I didn't want to stand in the under 21 section because the high school kids were a bit too rowdy and smelly for me and the over 21 section was full of drunk DB's. Actually, in the over 21 crowd there were a few groups that just made the evening hard to enjoy.


Group 1: Middle Aged People Trying to Re-Live Their 20's. I'm not saying that middle aged people shouldn't go to rock concerts. I AM saying that middle aged people shouldn't try to act like they are 20 again. It's unbecoming. REALLY. On this particular night it was a group of 30-somethings (4 loud women and 1 idiot guy) that were so toasted and loud I couldn't even hear the loud rock music. It was bad. I'm pretty sure they didn't have a fun ride home from the looks of them at the end of the show. Either way, they made it very difficult to enjoy the music because of their girly slap fights and squealing loudly over everything.



Group 2: Angry Alcoholics. Two 20-something sleazy guys and one sluttastic girl. Before the show even started they were so trashed they had to stand around a pub table and hold on. Not a good sign. Mid-way through the show one guy got mad about something and threw his can of beer... which then sloshed against the back of my leg and soaked my jeans... It took every ounce of self control that I had to not pick up that can and throw it right back. Moments later the two guys started arguing loudly about who did what to who's girlfriend.



Group 3: Floppy Drunk Hipster Kids. Everyone knows a floppy drunk. They are the people that have a few drinks and lose control of their limbs. They fling their arms around and stumble back and forth and don't even realize it. It's like their limbs take on a life of their own, disconnected from their minds. There was a group of 2 couples, decked out in plaid shirts, black skinny jeans and greasy combed forward hair. One girl kept flinging her arms wildly as she spoke and stumbling backwards into myself and BF. After the 12th time I put my arms out to catch her and sort of held her gaze for a second. Her eyes lazily drifted from mine to BF's and then BF, being much more cool-headed than I said calmly,"Hey, why don't you take a couple steps forward and stop falling into us."

She started giggling a little and then got this horrified look on her face and sort of babbled out,"I haven't been falling into you... sorry... uh...".

To which BF replied, "Yeah, you've done it like 12 times.".

SILENCE. *Blink Blink*.

Then she sort of stumbled over to her scrawny hipster boyfriend a cried a little and pointed to us about how we were mean. I shot death glares to her and her hipster boyfriend- the kind that said, "You KNOW your girlfriend is too intoxicated to stand up in one spot without stumbling over herself so DON'T mess with me on this."


Anyhow, so there are the mini-groups that made the show almost unenjoyable.

And then we got in the car. And then we almost died because people in cars don't pay attention to other people in cars.

I turned to BF and said, "What is with today?"

BF," I don't know, but it is something about today."

Me, "Just take me HOME!"


Then I woke up Saturday with the Death Flu. At first I thought I had been hit by a train. I hurt everywhere and my head was pounding like something was a prisoner inside my skull trying to get out. Logically I thought I'd just eat a snack, take some Advil, go back to bed for another hour or so and then I'd be good as new. NOT the best idea. I ate a tiny bowl of cereal and 30 minutes later was lying on my bed trying not to move and deciding whether I should just take precautionary measures and sleep on the bathroom floor. At one point my stomach hurt so bad I got all delirious and didn't know if I was awake or asleep. I woke up 2 hours later not feeling much better so I had to cancel my Saturday night plans and tell BF to come be miserable with me, which he lovingly did. Then I took my temperature. 99.9 and then 100.1, and then back to 99.9.


BF was a total champ, though, and ran to the store with me to get movies to watch and Jell-o and Saltines to eat for dinner. And then we watched movies and I ate Jell-o and BF ate spicy Korean chicken that I made.

Exciting.

Sunday ended up being "catch up" day. I did laundry, cleaned up and didn't do much. I felt a ton better, but didn't do a lot of active tasks for fear of inviting the Death Flu back.

And this is why I don't have any exciting pictures or stories from my Birthday Weekend... which leads me to ask, "Can I extend my Birthday Week if I get sick and cannot participate in Birthday Activities?"... to which the obvious answer is "Yes."

Yes, I can and will be extending my birthday week since I was cheated out of festivities by the Death Flu.

Take that Death Flu.


In other news:

Some people are getting married. (Mary and Greg) YAY!

Some people are pregnant. (Michelle and Nelson) CONGRATS!

It's St. Patrick's Day this week and I have a St. Patrick's Day Tiara. No Joke. I'M AWESOME!

Friday, March 12, 2010

" I Love You So Much It's Retarded"



In case you were uninformed, it is my birthday week! (Remember last year when I declared that you get a whole week instead of a day? Well, I declared it and stuck to it.)

So the past few years' birthdays have come and gone with only one thing really sticking out as memorable to me- me getting old. But this year is very different in a very good way.

I'm a quarter century old, and guess what? I. Feel. Amazing.


Since yesterday was my actual birthday, a lot of nice/fun things happened.

1. My office was decorate when I came in with balloons and streamers and poster, etc. It was great!


2. BF sent me flowers at work with THE. BEST. CARD. EVER. He sent me daisies (which are my favorite!) and a card that read simply, " I love you so much it's retarded". Now, this may seem a little off to some of you but it's from one of my favorite movies of all time, Nick and Norah's Inifinte Playlist. I can't explain it and do it any sort of justice, but I can tell you that BF and I say this to each other all of the time. It's sort of our thing. And it's kind of a joke. But in a sweet strange way. Alright... moving on.

3. I had the best foods all day long. First I had bagels and cream cheese and apple juice for breakfast, then I had grilled asparagus, steamed halibut and cous cous for lunch, then I had chocolate ice cream and whipped cream for snack and then dinner was crab cream cheese wontons and pad thai and mushroom chicken from Happy Panda. To top it all off, instead of a cake, BF bought me Cinnabon for dessert. OMG. I almost died from food bliss.

4. A coworker bought me a lifetime supply of gummy bears. ( I always have them on hand at work).

5. The good people at work gave me a Nike gift card which I promptly used at the employee store and got me 2 sweet Hurley shirts and a pair of THE AWESOMEST CHUCK TAYLOR'S EVER. They are sparkly leopard print. Nothing screams "me" more than these shoes.

6. My mom bought me a new set of pots and pans that I've been eyeing for months. I got the red speckled Paula Dean set. I really like red and I LOVE Paula Dean.

7. BF got me: tickets to Manchester Orchestra (playing tonight), a PastaSaurus pasta scoop shaped like a dinosaur's head- something I've talked myself out of buying every time I go to Powell's but always look at, and 3 vampire movies that my collection is lacking- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 30 Days of Night, and John Carpenter's Vampires (because I've always been into vampire movies).


As my birthday week continues I will take pics and I will probably have an huge post this weekend from the festivities.


Also, happy birthday to all of my fellow March birthdays!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Texas, Tennessee, Texas, HOME

I've disappeared for over a week. I know.



I've been in Tennessee since the begining of last week and I'm currently in Texas again. Again because if you'll remember I was just in Texas.

Last weekend, as I was enjoying being back at home, doing laundry and watching movies, I found out that my grandfather had passed away.

I want to pause here and tell you what a truly wonderful man my grandpa was. We weren't really blood relatives, but he married my grandma and adopted my dad when he was very young so he's the only dad my father really knew and the only grandpa I've ever known on that side of the family. He worked hard serving his country in the military and then came back and served his community on the police force. He was very handy- always making furniture for us little kids and building all sorts of items for the house. I remember him always having multiple projects going on and he'd finish every single one of them. My grandpa was also a true gentleman. He treated my grandmother (and all "ladies") with the utmost respect. It was his goal to leave very little for my grandma to do around the house- not that it ever really stopped her from doing what she wanted to do anyway, but he tried.

One of my fondest memories of my grandpa is from Thanksgiving a few years back. We had flown out to visit a week before so no one else was in town just yet. He had a hankering for a pie, but it was getting late and we couldn't really run to the store so he poked around the kitchen and came up with his own idea for a pie. He called it "Buttermilk Pie", and guess what the main ingredient was? Buttermilk. I was curious since I don't normally think of buttermilk as being appetizing or as a main ingredient for any dessert. I watched as he combined sugar and eggs and some spices and then poured the creamy mixture into a pie crust and gently set it in the oven. A little while later he pulled out a pretty looking pie. We let it cool and then he cut a generous slice and set it on a plate in front of me. "Why don't you try that and tell me what you think," he said. I tentatively slid my fork into the custard-like filling and smelled the bite before I stuck it gingerly into my mouth. I was shocked. It was like Egg Nog and vanilla pudding had been combined into a silky delicious pie. I loved it. I've looked up recipes since for a "Buttermilk Pie" but none of them seem to be close to what he made.

Roy Gorman was a loving grandfather who had the warmest disposition and the sweetest, oddest nicknames for us all. I was "Heatherini", my cousin was dubbed "Turtle Head" (who knows why, he didn't look like a turtle at all), and countless other ones I won't mention here (to spare those involved the certain embarassment to follow).

I went to work on Monday not knowing what the plan was and I already had plane tickets to Dallas (for work). I waited all morning to hear from my family what was going on with the funeral, etc. Finally my dad called me and let me know the details. I talked to my wonderful boss and she told me to go ahead and cancel my work trip to Texas and get down to Tennessee to be with my family.

I flew out of Portland at ass o'clock in the morning (6am) on Tuesday which meant that I had to get up at 3:30 to leave the house shortly after 4 in order to arrive at PDX at 4:30 and make my boarding call. I had a quick layover in Denver and then continued to Nashville, TN where my dad and uncle picked my mom and myself up. We had to travel in our dress clothes because we went straight from the airport to the viewing.

We stayed at the funeral home for the viewing until 8 pm (central time) and I was exhausted and starving by then. Wednesday afternoon was the memorial service and funeral service. It was really strange looking at this skinny pale man lying in a casket with waxy looking skin and wispy hair. It didn't look like my grandpa or feel like my grandpa (yeah, I'm weird like that and stuck my hand into the casket to touch his hands- it just seemed like I should) or smell like his old man aftershave. I had a very hard time watching my grandma stop at the casket and kiss my grandpa one last time on the forehead and stroke his cheek

It was quite windy and cold out so we didn't linger that long in the cemetery. When we got back to the house the phone rang and before I could reach it the machine picked up. My grandpa's voice was still the greeting and it echoed through the house in a strange comforting way. I just sort of stood in the hall and listened to it and breathed really deeply- the house still smells like his aftershave and cologne. I think he's used the same ones since before I was born.

I think I was in a pretty good fog for a couple of days- I wasn't really super emotional, I was just sort of exhausted. I think sometimes that's how I handle tough situations; not getting overly emotional or stressed, I just sort of float through it and try to bouy every else up with me.

My grandma and dad did a wonderful job planning everything.

It was an emotionally draining few days. I stayed the rest of the week in Tennessee with the family; got to visit the "kin folk" that I normally don't get to see or talk to, so that was nice. The weather warmed up while we were there and by the time I flew out of Memphis on Sunday evening it was 70 degrees and sunny.

So now I'm in Texas for a few days.

AND it's my birthday week. I'm a quarter of a century old. I can now think of myself as old if I want to, but I don't have to... yet.

I'm exhausted and ready to be home, but being home won't slow life down. I've got a "To Do" list ten miles long.

I promise I'll post some pretty pictures from Texas and whatnot soon.